Pee me up Scotty!

The toilet repair man finally came on Saturday. He brought us a ‘new’ toilet. Except, it clearly wasn’t a NEW toilet.

Before I go on about this, (hopefully LAST) chapter in the ‘Toilet chronicles’, I have to explain something about Dutch toilet pots. Original Dutch toilets pots don’t just have a big hole filled with water; they have a little ceramic shelf in the pot. It ‘catches’ your droppings before you flush them. Why would one want a ‘shelf’ like that in the toilet pot? Well apparently we like to admire our droppings. Drop art! Where do you think Van Gogh got his inspiration???!!

Most tourists get disgusted by having to look at their droppings. Dutch don’t even realise they have funny pots.

Anyways, we used to have a ‘normal’ toilet, with a big hole, filled with water. I was disappointed to see that the Toilet Repair man brought us a Dutch pot.

After the toilet guy left, we went to check out our new potty. Disgusted we were when we saw it wasn’t a NEW toilet. It was not only slightly dirty, a GIANT black spot seated on the shelf. I wasn’t so much a spot, it looked more like a hole. A black hole. Like an opening to the intergalactic highway kind of black hole. In our freakin’ toilet.

(really I should lay back on that wine)

We’re positive people; we immediately realized we no longer needed to flush our toilet. Our droppings would just disappear from the toilet and reappear into another dimension. An innocent alien would be watching ‘Earth; fantasy or best kept galactic secret’ when suddenly... And hey, wouldn’t anyone secretly like that idea? GET THIS SUCKERSSS.

Ehm. Okay, anyway, the black hole was also kind of disturbing and embarrassing. I could just imagine our friends using the toilet, suddenly screaming because E.T. popped out the hole, landing with galactic speed somewhere between their legs. Followed by the M.I.B. of course.

The black hole had to go.

We got ALL our cleaning products out. When the regular stuff didn’t do anything we got the ones with the little “flame” warning sign on the side. We almost killed ourselves with the clouds of toxic air but the black hole (or stain) wasn’t going anywhere. Add that to Einstein’s theory. Black holes are to stay.

After HOURS minutes of scrubbing the toilet, Mr. Sweety got a bright idea. He got the only cleaning product out the kitchen we didn’t use: the biodegradable cleanser. (BECAUSE I thought that wouldn’t work on black holes. DUH)

The black hole magically disappeared. Mr. Sweety is nominated to get cleaner of the year award.

We finally got a normal, flushing toilet again! WITHOUT alien gateways.

(to order a bottle of this super cleanser call 1800-SWEETY_CLEANYOBLACKHOLE)