The moms vs. the people (or what they think)
The one thing that really gets to me about socializing as a parent, is the arrogance and judgmental attitudes of people towards parents they meet, talk with or just barely pass by in a crowded street.
When the baby is crying: "She must be hungry"
When the toddler is screaming to her mom: "The kid is out of control. Mom: you're a bad parent"
When the toddler refuses to eat one day: "The weaning must have gone wrong. Mom: you're a bad parent"
When the toddler refuses to sleep: "She never learned to sleep in her own bed. Mom: you're a bad parent"
And the list goes on and on.
I am seriously appalled by the conclusions people make after one single meeting with a kid. Or really anyone how isn't either one of the parents.
It's like sports championships: some people watching a sports game from the comfort of their homes are convinced they know better than the sports coach on the field. But the fact that sports is so much more than what surfaces on the television, is often ignored.
We've had quite a few different takes on parenting than is common in The Netherlands. So I am used to the looks and judgmental comments and gossip. For one, we learned Monkey sign language.
"SIGN language? WHY? He will be lazy and NEVER SPEAK!!!"
Than we made the 'weird' decision to only cook organic and home cook every meal
"Oh common! EVERYONE uses ready made baby food. Organic or not. You're overprotective. You're teaching him to be a fussy eater. A little pesticide has never hurt anyone."
And the fact that grandma comes to take care of Monkey and Roo instead of daycare...
"They will never socialize! You might as well send them off to the jungle and let them be raised by a bear like Mowgly. "
Than there's the fact that the average mom in The Netherlands breastfeeds her baby ONE month... With 8.5 months I am this very weird tree hugger hippy mom kind of person.
"You have got to learn them to be independent! Otherwise she'll want to breastfeed until she's 30! She will never learn to drink on her own!"
And I haven't even started to tell people that we won't be sending Monkey to preschool until he is at least 3 to 3.5 years old (2.5 years is common here).
"I don't think I heard you right.. 3 years you said? You might as well pre register him to an education and socialization camp!"
But every single parenting decision mentioned above has made, and still makes my children happy. They make my family happy. The make me happy. I am not saying they are perfect or even the best decision, they are just one possible way of raising our kids. OUR way of raising our kids.
And I hereby give the finger stick my tongue out to every person out there not respecting that.

"(THAT child has no manners!! Sticking his tongue out like that!)"
Comments
Hooray to you! I also agree that other mums/moms are our own worst critics - it's time for us to all embrace our similariies and celebrate our differences - I think it is watching what others do that help us open our mind to new ideas and experiences - surely thats a good thing? Whatever you do - just make sure you do what is right for your family - I still struggle with this mantra but I think it is crucial for all of us to live by!
Posted by:
Allycat at October 9, 2008 1:17 PM
Glad you had time to post! You already know I'm on our side :) btw I love that picture.
Posted by: FrrezeM at October 9, 2008 1:28 PM
People are weird. As long as YOU are making the decisions for your kids that YOU think are right (and, you know, not letting them go hanggliding at age 3) no one should really care how you parent or what choices you make.
Posted by:
Chris at October 9, 2008 2:28 PM
Hahahahahaha.
I think it's a good idea not to start them in school too early. And my parents fully intend on helping me raise my children.
Posted by:
teahouseblossom at October 9, 2008 3:01 PM
i feel your pain:0
i have 3 kids, and breastfed them 9 months, 14 months and 2 years respectively.
they all hated the idea of preschool at three, so i sent them at four. cut off time in my head for being toilet trained, 18 years.independent living 42 years.
they are now 22, 25, 27
one is a nurse, middle onelives in burkina faso, west africa, and youngest is appllying to law school. they are all toilet trained, and independent. and they never were stressed:)
this is living in americ, maar met een beetje gezond nederlands verstand erin.
tineke
Posted by: tineke at October 9, 2008 3:11 PM
You should MOST DEFINITELY stick your tongue out when people say things like that. None of those things you mentioned sound the least bit strange to me. You guys are doing what works for you and your family, and that's all that matters. (Plus, you have AWESOME kids...I've met the first one and I'm sure the second one is just as delightful!).
Posted by:
Zandria at October 9, 2008 8:54 PM
Hooray for you, Nadine! As far as I can tell, your kids and you and Freeze are very happy with the way you all do things, and the kids seem like they're very happy. Screw what other people say. It's all what's best for YOUR family!
Posted by:
Lisa at October 9, 2008 9:01 PM
I don't feel your pain as I'm not a parent, but I it sounds like the crap that you'd get here in the States. I remember what it was like to be a kid coming from a different culture and have to listen to my mom about how Americans would criticize her for her parenting skills (obviously we came from an inferior Soviet culture, right?). People just don't get it when you stray from the norm. In retrospect, I'm glad my parents didn't give me the typical American upbringing, and I'm definitely going to pass on my crazy "communist" values to my kids. Someday, Monkey and Roo will be thankful for a mom who dared to be different. There's no better way to stick it to the man! LOL
Posted by: Anya at October 9, 2008 10:35 PM
Nadine, you're the mom I want to be someday!
I was breast-fed for awhile too, and my mom made most of my baby food herself as well. AND, my grandparents took care of me too! We had a great bond, that most of my friends never had with their grandparents.
I turned out FINE! And so will your children!
And anyone else can just eff off...
:)
Posted by: Chantelle at October 10, 2008 5:17 PM
There just is no perfect way of raising kids, so you are absolutely right when you say what you are doing works great for you and your family. Why are people always trying to convert everyone to their ways??!?!? We are all individuals with different ideas and needs and thankfully you are listening to your heart and your children's needs instead of Big Brother! It can be hard though to tough it out. Even though we know what is right for our families, people's words can really eat away at you. So hang in there sweetie, you are doing a fabulous job and your kids are going to forever thank you for all your hard work!
Posted by:
reesh at October 14, 2008 6:43 AM
Arg.
We actually stopped seeing a few friends because we couldn't be around them without their offering condescending advice.
And I really don't understand this kind of thing from strangers. (Because our son was premature and so small, we had quite a bit of, um, unsolicited input from random people, e.g., http://www.thedorsalstream.com/2005/07/how-to-tell-preemie-birth-announcement.html.)
It'd be funny if Monkey responded by signing "Mind your own business, lady."
Posted by:
RM at October 21, 2008 3:55 PM
Hooray to you! I also agree that other mums/moms are our own worst critics - it's time for us to all embrace our similariies and celebrate our differences - I think it is watching what others do that help us open our mind to new ideas and experiences - surely thats a good thing? Whatever you do - just make sure you do what is right for your family - I still struggle with this mantra but I think it is crucial for all of us to live by!
Glad you had time to post! You already know I'm on our side :) btw I love that picture.
People are weird. As long as YOU are making the decisions for your kids that YOU think are right (and, you know, not letting them go hanggliding at age 3) no one should really care how you parent or what choices you make.
Hahahahahaha.
I think it's a good idea not to start them in school too early. And my parents fully intend on helping me raise my children.
i feel your pain:0
i have 3 kids, and breastfed them 9 months, 14 months and 2 years respectively.
they all hated the idea of preschool at three, so i sent them at four. cut off time in my head for being toilet trained, 18 years.independent living 42 years.
they are now 22, 25, 27
one is a nurse, middle onelives in burkina faso, west africa, and youngest is appllying to law school. they are all toilet trained, and independent. and they never were stressed:)
this is living in americ, maar met een beetje gezond nederlands verstand erin.
tineke
You should MOST DEFINITELY stick your tongue out when people say things like that. None of those things you mentioned sound the least bit strange to me. You guys are doing what works for you and your family, and that's all that matters. (Plus, you have AWESOME kids...I've met the first one and I'm sure the second one is just as delightful!).
Hooray for you, Nadine! As far as I can tell, your kids and you and Freeze are very happy with the way you all do things, and the kids seem like they're very happy. Screw what other people say. It's all what's best for YOUR family!
I don't feel your pain as I'm not a parent, but I it sounds like the crap that you'd get here in the States. I remember what it was like to be a kid coming from a different culture and have to listen to my mom about how Americans would criticize her for her parenting skills (obviously we came from an inferior Soviet culture, right?). People just don't get it when you stray from the norm. In retrospect, I'm glad my parents didn't give me the typical American upbringing, and I'm definitely going to pass on my crazy "communist" values to my kids. Someday, Monkey and Roo will be thankful for a mom who dared to be different. There's no better way to stick it to the man! LOL
Nadine, you're the mom I want to be someday!
I was breast-fed for awhile too, and my mom made most of my baby food herself as well. AND, my grandparents took care of me too! We had a great bond, that most of my friends never had with their grandparents.
I turned out FINE! And so will your children!
And anyone else can just eff off...
:)
There just is no perfect way of raising kids, so you are absolutely right when you say what you are doing works great for you and your family. Why are people always trying to convert everyone to their ways??!?!? We are all individuals with different ideas and needs and thankfully you are listening to your heart and your children's needs instead of Big Brother! It can be hard though to tough it out. Even though we know what is right for our families, people's words can really eat away at you. So hang in there sweetie, you are doing a fabulous job and your kids are going to forever thank you for all your hard work!
Arg.
We actually stopped seeing a few friends because we couldn't be around them without their offering condescending advice.
And I really don't understand this kind of thing from strangers. (Because our son was premature and so small, we had quite a bit of, um, unsolicited input from random people, e.g., http://www.thedorsalstream.com/2005/07/how-to-tell-preemie-birth-announcement.html.)
It'd be funny if Monkey responded by signing "Mind your own business, lady."
The link in my previous comment should be: http://www.thedorsalstream.com/2005/07/how-to-tell-preemie-birth-announcement.html