Let's hear it for the boy

Remember Tim had sand phobia? He was PETRIFIED to touch it!

Last week, out of the blue, he started playing with the sand at the playground. And now it's his favorite thing to do at the playground.

I am so proud!

And now I totally have that Deniece Williams song stuck in my head.. Whoa, maybe he's no romeo
But he's my lovin one-man show Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Let's hear it for the boy......

The decision

For the last couple of days I have just been getting my act together again. Last weeks "is it a cyst or another C - scare" had a bigger impact on me than I thought. That's also the reason I have not been responding to e-mails. But I'll be fine in a day or two.

I did come to a decision about the natural home birth with midwife versus gynecologist hospital birth. Giving birth to Tim at the peace and intimacy of our home was the best experience in my life. However, I don't want to risk anything with the cyst. I don't feel comfortable that my midwife is capable of working with this complication. She is not a doctor.

So I'll stay with the gynecologist and give birth in the hospital. I do want to have a natural birth again. Unless the birth of the baby girl would take me wayyyy longer than Tim's. Tim was born in just 3.5 hours.

I know most of the people who read my blog are not from The Netherlands. I guess for you it might be ought that I had to think about where to give birth. In The Netherlands 30% of all woman give birth at home. Only 8% uses pain medication. Unless there are complications (like age, illness, ehm.. huge cysts..) you are guided by a midwife. They do a good job. Here you can find more information on the safety of hospital birth versus at home birth. I thought it was pretty interesting.

So the hospital it is. My gynecologist is in a hospital that is a 15 minute drive away... However there is also a hospital at a 5 minute drive away... I can even walk over there! I might be switching, though I thought the gynecologist at the other place was really good. Another decision to be made.

Enough babbling from me. I promise I'm back to my cheerful blogreading and e-mailresponding self in a day or two! Thanks again for your support. I means a lot.

Celebrate!

Thank you all for your sympathy. Your supporting comments meant more than you realize! Almost all of you were sure The Thing was just a cyst, and you were right. Today the gynecologist confirmed the cyst is a dermoid ovarian cyst. I will not bother you with the awful description of it, but those who are really into these bloody type of yucky things: here's more info on the dermoid cyst. NSFD (not safe for dinner: it is GROSS!)

The gynecologist said we can never be 100% sure the cyst is benign until they get it out, but she is convinced it is. I have to have it surgically removed (as this type doesn't disapear like other cysts), but luckily the gynecology team decided it can wait until two months after the baby is born.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am. I probably went over the top with my emotions yesterday. I actually believed there was a greater chance of me dying of this in a few years than the cyst being benign. Normally I am a positive person, but seeing a huge cyst right next to my baby girl, was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed.

Our baby girl won't be harmed by the cyst. There is enough room for both (there is so much room in my pelvis, I could host a party in there!). I can give natural birth, no need for a c-section. I can even - but I am not convinced about this one yet - give birth at home, like I did with Tim. I'll get an extra ultrasound at 32 weeks. And if for whatever reason I do have to get a c-section, they will remove the cyst right after our baby is born.

Over the weekend I'll consider being guided through this pregnancy by the midwife or by the gynecologist. Giving birth at home was a beautiful and peaceful experience. But I realize a midwife is not a doctor. Though even the head of gynecology saw no reason not to give birth at home.

Sooo, you were all right on the cyst being benign like you were on our little baby being a girl. You know my pelvis better than I, and that is a bit awkward ;) Thanks again for your supporting words. It meant the world.

We went celebrating the cyst (haha) today in a Mexican restaurant Popocatepetl with Tim. Non alcohol cocktails, ice cream with fireworks. It was fun!

I'll probably be fine

This is probably the most personal, emotional post you'll ever read on my blog. Though I am still in doubt I want to share this with the world, my blog is my outlet. And I really need to write this off my chest before I start climbing walls. So here it goes.

Today I found out I probably have a 2.8 inch cyst in one of my ovaries. 'The Thing' as my husband and I call it, has not caused me to have any inconvenience. And had it not been for the ultrasound, I would not have discovered it. Now it has to be removed, maybe during this pregnancy.

I say I probably have a cyst, because that is what the gynecologist told me this morning. I have faith in him, he seemed good and professional. But I would not rest my faith in the medical people I met before and after him:

Midwife: At 9 weeks, I had enormous pain. I was unable to stand or walk properly for a couple of days. 'Your womb is growing very fast. It's normal' the midwife said. For a week I felt guilty for not able to get up and take care of my family because of a normal pregnancy symptom. Today I found it probably wasn't a symptom, the cyst made my ovary twist.

Ultrasound woman #1: At my 12-week, ultrasound-woman #1 saw 'The Thing' and said it probably was poo. Not to worry, she said.

Doctor: I asked my regular doctor when I visited him about a splinter in my foot, about 'The Thing' too. 'No complaints?' He asked. Nope. Not to worry. 'Let them check at your 20-week ultrasound'.

Ultrasound woman #2: At my 20-week she confirmed The Thing was still there. Our happy baby moment was a little overshadowed with this conclusion. She said 'It's probably just tissue. But let you gynecologist check.'

Midwife: We called the midwife. She has to make the appointment with the gynecologist. 'It's probably just a Uterine Fibroma. It's harmless. No need to hurry.' She first scheduled our appointment ONE month from now. But we made her set the appointment for today. It just did not feel right.

The gynecologist said: 'It's probably a cyst'. He explained it and told us it won't harm our little girl. But I may have to get surgery soon, because of the size. It could burst (ew) or my ovary could twist again (ouch). Surgery would not harm the baby. He did want to have the radiologist confirm his thoughts.

The radiologist I was referred to this afternoon did not confirm or deny this conclusion after doing an ultrasound. He did not talk much actually, and when I got frustrated, laying there in nothing but my underwear while his assistant stared at me hopelessly and a strange doctor walked in out and without introducing or excusing himself, not getting any answers to my questions, I desperately asked: the thing I really want to know, is that I don't have cancer. 'Probably not' was his answer. I'll stick that political correct answer right next to my 'Thing'.

Tomorrow at 13.20, we'll find out what it 'probably' is and if when I need to have surgery.

My mind says me and the little girl growing inside me will probably be fine.

My worried heart says I could very well have cancer.

Today I looked at Tim and the very thought of having cancer and dying tore my heart apart. I want to hug him, see him grow and comfort him and give him a baby sister. And guide and watch them both grow into adults, ready for the big world. Words cannot describe how I felt hugging him on the kitchen floor and having doubts about being able to be his mom for years and years to come.

I'll probably be his mom for years and years to come. I'm probably too worried and being an emotional pregnant woman is not helping. My mind says I'll probably be just fine. But my heart will be unsure until tomorrow afternoon.

Oh boy...

... it's a girl! She's healthy and dancing around in my belly. We're keeping the name a secret! You're lucky though, with Tim we didn't even tell his gender until he was born.

So... the end of January we'll welcome a baby girl to our family! I can't wait to go PINK shopping! Can you believe the cute Puma's?

Almost ALL of you guessed the gender! You guys seriously have a sixth sense going on.

Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue!

Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue! Pink! Blue!

Tomorrow we find out if "IT" is a GIRL or a BOY.

What do YOU think?

And -unlike with Tim - we might just share it with the world before IT is born!

So.... is Tim going to have a little sister or a little brother?

Tim's 'how to handle papparazi' - class

There is no need to injure annoying paparazzi. With umbrella's (Britney) or with your bare hands (Jude). Violence is not the answer. Tim will give all you hot tempered celebrities a free class in dealing with paparazzi (or mother's who photograph every single thing you do):

Step 1: Notice you're being photographed. Always be on your guard, especially when your NOT dressed. (which seems to happen a LOT with celebrities these days. You'd think there aren't shops for celebrity underwear.)

Step 2: Politely but firmly ask the paparazzo to stop taking pictures. Do not use strong language or weapons (even things that are not classified as weapons, like folders: Hugh).

Step 3: If they keep making photo's, gently put your finger on the lens, taking away the view and leaving a big fat stain.

Step 4: Keep your finger on the lens until the paparazzo promises to delete the photo. Make sure the photo is deleted.

That's it! No more fights with paparazzi.

What should Tim's next class be about?

The answers

Thanks everyone for playing the 3-question quiz... and the answers are (drums......)

1. Where are we going on holiday?
Lisbon, Portugal! NONE of you guessed it! Apparently I have been there with my folks a longggg time ago. Honestly I can't remember anything (my memory sucks even when I am NOT pregnant!) but being whistled at by hot Portugese firemen driving by. On which I completely melted politely waved back. Because that clearly is what teenage girls are: polite. The incident almost gave my my mom a heart attack. She was afraid I would be kidnapped by them and carried away on the firetruck. Which would be SO bad. Kidnapped by 6 hot Portugese firemen. She was even more scared because my dad wasn't there with us, he stayed in the hotel because of food poisoning. Poor dad. But HOT firemen!

Ahum. Where was I. Hot... fire... sun... Portugal... ah hotel rooms!
On our search for a nice hotel which offered suites, we found something we really liked. We booked... but I am not sure the living room will still be there once we arrive:

"Where is the living room? It's supposed to be a SUITE!"
"I'm sorry ma'am. But on the website it clearly stated it's leaving."

What animal dared to enter our bedroom?
AND almost jumped in my clothes closet? A FROG. Ugh! I HATE frogs.
And when they jump on a wooden floor it makes a spongy sound. It's gross. Luckily FreezeM rescued me.
Only Chris (which is no surprise) and Alissa guessed this one! Hooray!

What animal did I draw?
A cow. Tim guessed it in ONE time. And I didn't even have a model! Yay for you all, most of you guessed it. You have passed your art exam.

Quiz!

While pregnancy hormones are eating away my brain, I'm incapable of writing a post. In stead, we'll just do a little quiz. I hope you play along and pray I will have some IQ left after this pregnancy. Answers here, in a day or two.

1: We FINALLY figured out where we're going for our fall holiday break. Guess what city / country!
hint: I have been in this European country (with my parents when I was about 16), FreezeM and Tim haven't.

2: Sunday morning I was startled by a creepy ANIMAL in our bedroom, FreezeM had to come and rescue me from the horror. Guess what animal had the nerve to come into our home.
hint: I hate this animal, but Chris Cactus probably would have welcomed it with open arms AND written a beautiful post about it.

3: Guess what kind of animal is this (picture below)... Can't you see I had art classes in high school? I think I'm influenced by Picasso and the Neo Maternitio period.
Hint: Tim is really appreciative of my 'art' (I let him buy this drawing, it will be worth a small fortune by the time he's 80) and he guessed it!

Of course, when you guess all three answers, I will totally send you a post card from our vacation destination!

Photo logging a day with Tim

WHAT do you do all day when you're with Tim? I get that question sometimes. I work 3 days a week and spend 2 days with him alone (besides from the weekends, when his dad joins us in everyday fun).

I thought it was an excellent question, and decided to photo log my day with Tim today. I came up with the idea, just right after we had breakfast. Here's what happened so far: (be sure to check again later today for an update!)

08:42 AM.. Tim's first time sharpening his pencils. There are a LOT of first times for Tim in a day. And that is just the coolest thing. It looks like he's handling the sharpener pretty good, but don't let the photo trick you. He did not actually sharpen ONE pencil but did manage to airborne the sharpener a couple of times.

08:43 AM... drinking mommy's OJ. He LOVES fresh fruit juices. We make fresh OJ every morning. In the weekends we make other fruit juices with peach, kiwi, apples, name it. It's fun, healthy AND YUMMY!

08:55 AM... BATH TIME!! Tim LOVES the bath tub. Notice the PINK bathtub. PINK. I kid you not. Piglet LOVES it though.

MOM are you SUUUURE you are not posting my privates on the WWW?

09:24 AM... All dried, dressed AND brushing teeth. Tim always joins me when I brush my teeth. And I figure a little extra brushing won't hurt him (unless you put facial creme on his brush).

09:36 AM... Taking our house guest for a short walk. Actually, it's already his second walk. FreezeM takes him for a short walk just before he leaves for work.

10:15 AM... While mommy's eating a cheese melt sandwich, Tim is enjoying his favorite crackers, reading a book he got from the library last week.

10: 32 AM... drinking some water from a big boy's cup! ALMOST (heheh) without making a mess.

10:36 AM... playing PEEKABOO. Tim pronounces it KAPEEBOO (in Dutch: boekiepoo)

10:46 AM... while Tim is NAPPING I am off to bed with a box of chocolate, the book I am reading and my camera to post the picture and just nap like my little Tim very busy cleaning house.

HEY where did that photo come from?

UPDATE
It's 4 PM and Tim is taking a NAP. He hasn't done an afternoon nap since a week or so. Here are more pictures of our day.

12:21 PM: Heeeeelllooooo sunshine, did you enjoy that nap?

12:30 PM: Tim reading his VERY FIRST magazine. It's a Teletubby magazine. He loves it.

12:38 PM: LUNCH TIME! Look at our little house guest begging for some of Tim's bread and soup.

12:58 PM: Let's draw and do stickers AGAIN.

It's an addiction I tell you.

2:11 PM: We're at the playground! Look how the color of the swing matches his clothes. I mean, that's important. Right?

2:16 PM: Sitting on a big flat round thing that turns. You have no idea what I am talking about, right? We had fun.

2:20 PM: The slide! Woohoo! This is were he met a little 15- month old boy called Jacob.

2:21 PM: Peekaboo!

2:54 PM: Enjoying some fruit juice & crackers on the blanket we brought. We turned back home like 15 minutes later, when it started to rain.

UPDATE after second nap...

5:26 PM: After his nap, we started preparing dinner. The onions made me cry and I had to blow my nose. Of course Tim joined in. This was the FIRST time (see, a LOT of first times on a day!) that he actually REALLY blew his nose. Aren't you excited? Jeez.

5:40 PM... Homemade potato slices, onion, olive oil, pepper and some oregno. Mmmmmm.

6:08 PM... Was that great food, or what? Wait a minute, who made this picture?

6:42 PM... DADDY! Playtime. Honey, the manual of the baby says it's a bad thing to turn it up side down right after dinner...

6:54 PM... A game of soccer in the kitchen.

7:22 PM... Brushing teeth! Oooh already 22 minutes past bedtime... Oh well. We just had to finish that soccer game.

7:24 PM... Bye bye little doggie, see you tomorrow! Tim ALWAYS says goodnight to the cats, the bunny and now the house guest Sparky. Note his cute Bert PJ's! On Tim, not the dog.

7:26 PM... One last hug for mommy...

7:26 PM... Reading a bedtime story with daddy.

I had a WONDERFUL day. As always. I'm truly grateful I get to spend so many time with you. Good night little Tim. Sleep tight.. don't let the bad bugs bite.

The bullets

* I am SO tired, I cannot even begin to write a normal post with a beginning, an end a middle. You'll have to do it with bullets today.

* Ukkiepukkie (as I call the little bun in the oven) is alive and kicking. I can feel it for over a week now. Or is it two weeks. Can't you tell I'm less obsessed with this pregnancy as I was with Tim.

* Come to think of it, how many weeks along am I really?

* We're planning a fall holiday. We're thinking staying in Europe, though the US is tempting. But I don't want to go through a jet lag again. Not to mention an 8-hour flight with a toddler AND a 5 month pregnancy belly. We're thinking Southern Italy: Naples, Amalfi, Capri. Suggestions, anyone?

* We have a house guest. I will post pictures of the little creature soon. It's small, deaf and cute.

* We got our little king a throne. He loves it, can't you tell by his face?

* Tim has a new thing he wants to do as soon as he wakes up. It involves stickers. Lots of stickers.

* The reason I am so exhausted is my job is sucking energy. And I only work part time: 24 hours a week in 3 days! The reason is, I got a great opportunity to get the job I studied for and I want to have. The opportunity came, when a colleague went with pregnancy leave and I asked my boss if I could replace her. She's a communication/ pr advisor. The job is great and also involves dealing with press. Which I really love. Now she has been away for four months, but has become ill. It doesn't seem she'll be back soon. Which is sad for her, but great for me as I can do the job I love for a little while longer. Another colleague - who basically has the same job - has been ill too, and it doesn't look like she'll be back soon either. I've been doing her job too. I really want to do a good job, as I'd like my boss to see that I'm good at this. Are you still there? I know the work stuff is boring. I try to avoid blogging about it.

* The grand fest of Google searches. It baffles me what searches people use (and end up at my blog):

OLD TOILETS WITH A HOLE AND LEGS
I'm sorry, you will not find it on my blog. It grabbed its shit and ran off a few weeks ago.

dutch toilet worms
They fell in the hole (wormhole, get it, I made a pun!) Are you insane? I know I am European, but we are not THAT far behind. The Dutch are pretty hygienic.

evacuated skirt stockings
You lost your skirt and your stockings during an evacuation? You got some explaining to do. Why were you not IN your skirt and stockings?

FALALALALALA
Are you bored? Seriously. But thinking falalalala I REALLY am looking forward to Christmas. I can just smell the Christmas tree, hear Jingle Bells and feel the gift wrappings rip under my fingers.

teach me to be a slut for my man
THAT is wrong in so many ways. And what are you thinking asking ME that question. Jeez.

* That's it for now folks.